What's Up, Doc?

Ah, what he hay?! I'm looney (looney as in Looney Toons, I don't care what Webster says) and if you're reading this you may be, too! I've dealt with depression in long spurts since I was about 14. My upbringing wasn't perfect, or anything near that, but I've come to the conclusion that my depression is genetic and my imperfect childhood only hastened the arrival of my inherited doom.
I started seeing a psychiatrist in June or July of this past year and have been seeing a counselor almost weekly since August. The psychiatrist was detrimental in my chemical dependency to anti-depressants and the like. Being chemically dependent sucks but it's not to create a high only to make me more normal since my body chemistry is all screwed up. The counselor has been wonderful on my journey to stop trying to make others happy and start making myself happy; Who am I kidding? It's mostly just a place to dump all the crap I've accumulated and take a nice breather from that invisible chip I carry around. It would be wonderful to stop trying to please everyone and only do things to please myself, but it would be equally as wonderful to own a unicorn that sh*ts rainbows (Who in the hell wants doody duty? Rainbows are much more pleasant.)
I'm a people pleaser and don't have any qualms on fessing up to it. I want to please EVERYONE, it gives me extreme anxiety to think that I, even possibly, upset or disappointed anyone. I've even become a pretty good chameleon to try to fulfill my need to please everyone. Hell, I've gone back to spell check and question my grammar several times because I'm afraid of someone, I've never met, questioning my intelligence based on my grammar. I'm a chameleon. I change based on who I'm around. I can act more or less of anything to fit in with those around me. My mother in law is VERY prude, so I avoid conversations that we most probably have conflicting points of view and or hold my tongue as much as I can.
I'm not easily manipulated by people though, there are only 2 people in the world that my Subconscious gives full access to manipulate me. I hate that SOB, he's always letting things happen that my conscious-self says isn't ok. Yes, I think it's a "he", otherwise he wouldn't give me so many problems and would probably be more considerate of my feelings. Ok, ok, I'm getting to my point; the only 2 people who have total control over my emotions are my husband and my mom. They know it, too. They exploit and take advantage of it. It's sickening and disheartening but I continue to allow the abuse. I cannot explain it and, THAT, ladies and gentlemen is why I am looney.
Getting back to the not-easily-manipulated thing, in high school, my favorite word was "No"and I had very little problems saying it as awkward as it was. It even REALLY irritated me when someone would try to talk me out of my initial response of, "No."
Since I'm going to divulge a lot of personal information, I'm going to try to be as discreet as I can be of identifying information. I am about to hit 30 and never finished college, I have a husband and 2 children a boy (6) and a girl (5). They will come up often; my world revolves around them. I have several sisters and one brother. My father passed away a few years ago, and even though he was the main source of my childhood traumas and was an alcoholic, I miss him so much. My mother lives about 10 hours from me and has a boyfriend she started dating only a few months after my dad passed (story for another day). I've made some really piss-poor choices in my life and am constantly beating myself up about them. It's hard enough living with myself, much less with others that make me feel worse. Follow me through my battle and struggle to feel happy and let go of my tormentors.